Kid Stories

This is for those of us who have experienced the child (or teenager as the case may be) who ducks around the corner in front of you. They are trying to appear as if everything is normal. And your immediate reaction is to wonder if the bathroom is flooded. These are true events. Reminders that, no matter what, it generally is survivable.

Does anyone know what happens when you give a child kool-aid, starbursts, and a Dixie cup? They mix it all together and put it in the freezer, of course! Does anyone know how long it takes for the starburst fruit chew to dissolve into the kool-aid the children put in the freezer? It doesn’t, of course. But, tell these things to an 11 year old and a 9-year old in the midst of their “science experiment”? HAH! The real question, or course, is what happened to rest of the kool-aid? (HINT: DO NOT look in the bottom of the fridge—make them do it.)

And, of course, we’ve all seen the results of soda wars…right? What shaken bottles of soda do to the ceiling? And walls? And…carpet in neighboring rooms? And, in different colors (er…flavors)? For stickiness, Coke trumps grape and orange—but not for color. For that, it’s Tiger Red (a very red cream soda, for those who don’t know). Pre- teens need supervision…especially if they are grounded. Remember that…before you lay down for a nap.

Oh, you should probably explain to your 4-year old why there is sand on the bottom of lakes and oceans, but not swimming pools. I highly recommend doing it BEFORE the child begins making donations to your neighbor’s pool from his sand box, though.

And, we all know to be afraid (…be very afraid) of silence when there are children in the house. Especially after a long period of noise…I bet you never realized how much work it is to get black hockey tape marks off a white tile floor after a spirited first period? The real surprise, though, is how hard you can hit one of those hollow plastic pucks at sheetrock without doing any damage.

Then there are those things you really didn’t want to know about...Like…finding an imitation pearl earring stud—with backing plate-- in a toddler’s diaper. Does anyone really want to contemplate how it got there? Or…how about the two kids playing with rocks. One child starts crying and because the other one took their rock…and ate it. Can’t you just hear the kid as she screams to Mom, “Make him give it back!”

Then, there is…well…that smell I’ve just noticed…coming from….

I GOTTA GO! Share your stories…if you have a chance…